MENTAL DEFICIENCY
“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Bob asked, “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”
“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”
“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’
Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”
LED ASTRAY
“So,” Jane asked the detective she had hired. “Did you trail my husband?” “Yes ma’am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment.”
A big smile crossed Jane’s face. “Aha! I’ve got him!” she said gloating. “Is there any doubt what he was doing?”
“No ma’am.” replied the sleuth, “It’s pretty clear that he was following you.”
HOW DID THE HUMAN RACE APPEAR?
A little girl asked her mother, ‘How did the human race appear?’ The mother answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.’
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, ‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’
The mother answered, ‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.’
GOLF OUTING
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and a biker were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The biker fumed, “What’s with those guys? We‘ve been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The Indian Doctor chimed in, “I’ve never seen such poor golf!” The Chinese Businessman yelled out “Get moving, time is money!” The Catholic Priest said, “Here comes George the greens keeper, maybe he can do something about this.”
“Hello, George!” said the Catholic Priest, “What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” George the greens keeper replied, “Yes. That’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The Indian Doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The Chinese Businessman replied, “I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the firefighters in honor of these brave souls.”
The biker thought a minute and said, “Why the heck don’t they just play at night?”
BACK TO SKOOL
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children’s science exam answers:
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
KIDS ARE QUICK
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria!
—
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about??
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
—
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
LAST LAUGH: “Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.” ~Claud Cockburn
