USED BIKE FOR SALE
Blond Barbie tried to sell her old motorcycle. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the bike had 50,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a riding buddy who told her, “There is a possibility to make the bike easier to sell, but it’s not legal.” “That doesn’t matter,” replied Barbie, “if only I can sell it.” “Okay,” said Barbie’s friend. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a bike repair shop on the other side of town. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer on your bike back to 5,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your motorcycle anymore.” Barbie made the trip to see the mechanic, and two weeks later the friend asked Barbie, “Did you ever sell that old motorcycle?” “No,” replied Barbie, “why should I? It only has 5,000 miles on it!!!”
CRISCO
An elderly lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crisssssssco!” Soon a store clerk approaches and says, “Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D.” The old lady replies, “Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my husband.” The clerk is astonished. “Your husband’s name is Crisco?” The old lady answers, “Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we’re out in public.” “I see,” said the clerk. “What do you call him at home?” “Lard bottom.”
BUBBA AT THE REVIVAL
Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.
Bubba gets in line and when it’s his turn the preacher says, “Bubba, what you want me to pray about?” Bubba says, “Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.”
So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, “Bubba, how’s your hearing now?”
Bubba says, “I don’t know preacher, it’s not until next Wednesday.”
WHY PARENTS DRINK
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to “Dad.” With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you, as I knew you would not approve of Moxsie because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight leather biker clothes and the fact that she rides a Harley. But Dad she’s pregnant. Moxsie said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer back in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Moxsie can get better.
Don’t worry Dad….I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your son, Blake P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer.
I love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.
THE DEVIL YOU SAY
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?” The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your dad.”
What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
Have you ever noticed that when you’re in traffic, everyone driving slower than you is a complete idiot, and everybody going faster than you is just plain crazy?
LAST LAUGH
Europe is becoming so Westernized that starting next year they are going to require all cars and trucks to drive on the right-hand side of the roadway just like here in America. If all goes smoothly, the following year they’ll start requiring all buses and motorcycles to switch over too.
